The Jonathan Walters Project

DISCLAIMER: Please, readers, do not repeat the words used in this blog post at home. The stunts and award-winning jokes performed in this article were those done by a licensed professional with advanced degrees in sarcasm. The information contained in the blog post is not at all true. The Cameroon Football Development Program does not at all endorse this blog post. Thank you for taking the time to read this notice.

[This one is for Marc Murphy, a legend in his own rite.]

Far, far away in a land called England, playing for a mysterious team called Stoke City FC, there is a footballer named Jonathan Walters.

Some of you may not know him, but in short, this man is a legend. When his team is down, he puts his team on his back. When a goal is in need, he will score it, be it in his own, or his opponent's goal. He may not convert his penalty kick opportunities, but it is certain you have never seen anyone blast a ball so high and far, and with such velocity, over the goal from such close range. He makes David Beckham's Euro 2000 penalty miss look pathetic. He is the all-time leading scorer of Chelsea FC--A legendary achievement by a legendary man for a legendary club.

As Kevin Battista, a world class footballer who is still yet to recognize the greatness of the United States Men's National Team, once put it, "Jonathan Walters is a world class striker."

Except one could argue that Battista does not even give Walters enough credit. Jonathan Walters is a world class player. He excels in all phases of the game.

So why do we bring Jonathan Walters to your attention? Because due to his legendary ascent to the top of the world football ranks, he has become an integral part of the CFDP mission, the most vivid representation of individual success we are trying to show young children here in Cameroon.

When we introduce children to the name "Jonathan Walters," we teach them about his legendary status, encourage them to work to reach the heights he has achieved in the professional footballing world, and remind them that the more own goals they score against their own teams, the more times they fail to convert penalty kick opportunities by rocketing the ball far over the net from just 12-yards away, the more likely it is that they achieve their professional goals.  Jonathan Walters is a model of success not only for young children in Cameroon, but for children in all parts of the world.

Before meals, or at the dawn of a new day, many people remember to thank the Lord above for the blessings he has bestowed upon them. Me, well, I thank Jonathan Walters. I thank him for the inspiration he has instilled in my own life, to pursue greatness, and to score goals, regardless of the net at which I shoot.